I have debated wether or not to share what is happening so soon, but I feel really strongly that I need to write about it. I have been journaling which makes me feel like an emotional tween, and thought I would be brave since most people know what is going on now.
After eleven years, Levan and I have collectively made the choice to continue our relationship just as friends and co-parents.
Feels weird even typing that, even though this is the most adult decision that I have ever made, its still not easy. At some point you have to recognize that something is not working and is doing more harm then good. And that is the decision we've come to.
Which seems to have puzzled most of our family and friends, they want some sort of definitive reason for why we are splitting, but its bigger then that. There are many reasons we are walking away from this relationship, and in doing so we are making a healthy decision for ourselves and especially our son.
We are still very good friends, which again confuses a lot of people, but yes we still care and love each other, we made a beautiful little creature together!
And this is where I realize how blessed we are in making this decision now, we truly co-parent! When Leo is with his daddy I talk to him on the phone, get photo's texted to me, and even hang out with them together! His family welcomes me with love and warmth just as before. It is so important to us to create normalcy in this situation for Leo, to create a secure and subtle transition, and above all make him feel loved!! Which is exactly what we are doing, I put aside any sort of resentment or sadness I feel, because those do come up, but they do not take priority over my beautiful little man.
So, I have spent the last couple of months packing up my belongings and getting ready to move back in with my Mom....which is not as terrible as it sounds :) As soon as I told her it was a given that she would provide a home for Leo and I. She turned her life upside down, and has spent the last couple of months completely renovating and reorganizing her home to make a ton of space for us, Leo even gets his own room!
And throughout all of this, I have run the gamut of emotions, some days I cry, others I feel regret and anger. But at the end of the day before I drift to sleep I really truly feel blessed to have our families and friends support. And in all honestly I really feel proud of Levan and I for handling it well.
4 comments:
I've never commented, but have followed your blog since you started it. I was sad to read this, but glad to see you have so much support. Just wanted to let you know there's someone else out there sending you all kinds of positive energy. Love and light to you.
You are a strong woman and can make it through anything. Sending you lots of prayers, and happy thoughts your way. Really happy to read you have a very supportive family on both sides. what you two are doing for Leo is absolutely incredible and it is nice to hear you two are willing to co-parent and actually enjoy it! Leo will be absolutely okay because of your hard work and dedication!
Just wanted to send you supportive vibes.
I went through this last year and while it is, at times, emotionally exhaustive it is also enlightening. As a person that grew up with parents who constantly fought to the point where I'd lock myself in my room and wish they'd just get divorced (not saying you and Levan are like that since I don't know your personal life), I can safely say that having two parents who can focus on parenting separately is preferable over a couple that knows it is broken.
Some days it hurts. Some days it's liberating. But I know for certain that happiness awaits your future.
All the best,
Amanda
Thank you all so much for you wonderful words and support!!!! xoxo
Heather
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